Once upon a time there was a girl who was full of interesting chat. She was up on current events and could discuss the latest craze, whilst giving recommendations for where was good for a cocktail and what bands were the best to see live. One day the girl met a boy, grew older and made some babies. The end.
Well that’s almost how it goes. Talking to some friends at the weekend had me inwardly cringing at my lack of social graces these days. I think nothing of stopping mid convo to scream loudly the names of my two children. To glance frantically around when I hear a baby cry or a child scream. My chats are riddled with interuptions to tie shoelaces, wipe noses and field questions on a variety of dinosaur related topics.
When did I stop taking an interest in the world around me? I would struggle to tell you the names of more than one act in the Top 10 and CardiB is a second option of outerwear to me! The last film I watched was animated and I am more likely to talk nappies than nights out.
It’s not that I don’t care about what’s going on in the world either. I’m a Twitter addict so I know the goings on before the hit the lunchtime news but my retention skills have evaporated. It seems that trying to hold in all the information required to keep two small humans alive has shifted a large portion of my memory to The Cloud and I have no way of remembering my sodding password to retrieve it!
My internet history reads like a horror movie of ‘how many poos are too many poos’ to ‘can you die from injesting sudacrem?’ No longer do I spend time finding out about the latest films and celeb cuture I am more likely to know who does the voiceovers in the new episodes of Hey Duggee.
So my chat has gotten stale. I often come back from apparent catch ups with friends to find that we spent the entire time complaining to each other about our feral children and about how exhausted we are just getting through each day, we didn’t talk about our hopes for the future, what hobbies we have going on or any fun goings on at nights out – because they are so infrequent.
Mums converstations have ten topics
1. Mildy slagging other mums off.
2. Midly slagging our children off.
3. Strongly slagging our hubands off.
4. Being offended if anyone else does 1,2 or 3 about our own.
5. Giving each other compiments even though we know they are bullshit but we need to try and have each others back.
6. Playing Tired Top Trumps – ‘I only got two hours sleep last night.’ … ‘Well i didn’t get any sleep and the kids were sick!’
7. Telling each other what we have going on the following week. Always consists of housework, shopping, working, and making up lies about how we will entertain our kids with fun and educational activities when in reality we will put the tv in and hope for the best.
8. Talking about what needs done to the house/garden as if its something that we are actually going to dedicate time to rectifying rather than just complaining about but actually have no solid plans/funds to do anything else.
9. Swapping Netflix recommendations – this is one thing we are up on seeing as we spend every night in the house!
10. Re-iterating how tired we are.
Tell me it gets better? Tell me that one day I will be a more interesting and better rounded individual?
What’s your chat like? Go on, entertain me!