I just read another post on one of those mum groups on Facebook, you know the ones that post stuff like ‘How I can be a great mother and a brilliant wife’ ‘Why I am breaking the mold to be a stay at home mum’ ‘How I annoy the crap out of everyone I meet gushing on about pointless shite’.
Along those lines anyway.
This one was a ‘Dear Husband…’ piece, claiming that we need to rejoice in every minute of parenthood. Right now! We should be enjoying the piles of laundry, the spilt cereal, 2am wake ups and the bums to be wiped. We shouldn’t think about having meaningful conversations with our husbands because there is time for that later. After all, our children are our life and we should just be so god damn thankful.
Just fuck off. Sorry mum. I try not to swear on here because I know my mum hates sweary people. But you know, it just gets to me.
I love the very souls of my children. I just don’t feel the need to talk of nothing else all the while telling everyone constantly that I am #blessed. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t get at least some form of immense joy out of being around them and wish I could bottle the feeling they give me. I do look at them sometimes and wonder how I will cope when I am no longer the centre of their lives. But I don’t sit and yack on about it, because do you know what?! They have to be allowed to grow up.
My life as a parent won’t end when they get older, it will just adapt and be different. I dont want to turn into one of those women who cling onto their ‘mummy’ status like am empty wine bottle. I certainly don’t want my kids picking up on any feelings like that and feel guilty themselves for growing older. I don’t want them to be babies forever.
I am actively looking forward to my kids growing up. I look at how many new things we will do as a family. At how much of my own life is still ahead of me once they will have flown the nest. I have so much I still want to achieve and I don’t see why we have to be seen to have our lives on pause just because we decided to become parents. Becoming a parent isnt exclusive to being ‘only a parent’ (I don’t say that in a derrogitory manner just that it is quite possible to want to be a mum without needing it to become your everything) If being a mum is your everything then I think that’s up to you. Just like being an Olympian is fantatsic I don’t belive that it’s for every athlete, some of us just enjoy a jog round the park every few months but that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a pair of trainers.
I also feel it’s massively deluded to think that your other half should just accept this. The whole flow of the article was that the husband should just get on board with the fact that their life isn’t their own for the foreseable future. That a few stolen kisses while the kids watch tv should be enough. But that it’s ok because one day they can get back to being them again. What the hell. If this is what we are expected to cherish then I will take a pass.
I know relationships are defintely different with kids – who doesn’t know the feeling of prayer that the kids won’t wake up just as you’ve both got frisky at the same time?! Or that you have nothing to speak about other than what’s in their nappy in those first few months. But you won’t have me believe that there are happy marriages out there who just go into hibernation for 16years? Surely not.
So no major conclusion to my ranting today. I just had to get that out there. A response if you will. Reading a few pieces like this lately gave me a bad taste in my mouth. The replies to the post were worse and made me boak.
What’s your take on these kind of pieces on social media? Do you believe we should all be thankful for every splat in the face with a spoonful of porridge? Or do you agree that it’s ok to look forward to the future and not weep over the baby years?