Why I am NOT ‘cherishing every moment’.

I just read another post on one of those mum groups on Facebook, you know the ones that post stuff like ‘How I can be a great mother and a brilliant wife’ ‘Why I am breaking the mold to be a stay at home mum’ ‘How I annoy the crap out of everyone I meet gushing on about pointless shite’.

Along those lines anyway.

This one was a ‘Dear Husband…’ piece, claiming that we need to rejoice in every minute of parenthood. Right now! We should be enjoying the piles of laundry, the spilt cereal, 2am wake ups and the bums to be wiped. We shouldn’t think about having meaningful conversations with our husbands because there is time for that later. After all, our children are our life and we should just be so god damn thankful.

Fuck off.

Just fuck off. Sorry mum. I try not to swear on here because I know my mum hates sweary people. But you know, it just gets to me.

IMG_20170427_125036
Who wouldn’t look at this and think #blessed?

I love the very souls of my children. I just don’t feel the need to talk of nothing else all the while telling everyone constantly that I am #blessed. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t get at least some form of immense joy out of being around them and wish I could bottle the feeling they give me. I do look at them sometimes and wonder how I will cope when I am no longer the centre of their lives. But I don’t sit and yack on about it, because do you know what?! They have to be allowed to grow up.

My life as a parent won’t end when they get older, it will just adapt and be different. I dont want to turn into one of those women who cling onto their ‘mummy’ status like am empty wine bottle. I certainly don’t want my kids picking up on any feelings like that and feel guilty themselves for growing older. I don’t want them to be babies forever.

I am actively looking forward to my kids growing up. I look at how many new things we will do as a family. At how much of my own life is still ahead of me once they will have flown the nest. I have so much I still want to achieve and I don’t see why we have to be seen to have our lives on pause just because we decided to become parents. Becoming a parent isnt exclusive to being ‘only a parent’ (I don’t say that in a derrogitory manner just that it is quite possible to want to be a mum without needing it to become your everything) If being a mum is your everything then I think that’s up to you. Just like being an Olympian is fantatsic I don’t belive that it’s for every athlete, some of us just enjoy a jog round the park every few months but that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a pair of trainers.

I also feel it’s massively deluded to think that your other half should just accept this. The whole flow of the article was that the husband should just get on board with the fact that their life isn’t their own for the foreseable future. That a few stolen kisses while the kids watch tv should be enough. But that it’s ok because one day they can get back to being them again. What the hell. If this is what we are expected to cherish then I will take a pass.
I know relationships are defintely different with kids – who doesn’t know the feeling of prayer that the kids won’t wake up just as you’ve both got frisky at the same time?! Or that you have nothing to speak about other than what’s in their nappy in those first few months. But you won’t have me believe that there are happy marriages out there who just go into hibernation for 16years? Surely not.

 

So no major conclusion to my ranting today. I just had to get that out there. A response if you will. Reading a few pieces like this lately gave me a bad taste in my mouth. The replies to the post were worse and made me boak.

What’s your take on these kind of pieces on social media? Do you believe we should all be thankful for every splat in the face with a spoonful of porridge? Or do you agree that it’s ok to look forward to the future and not weep over the baby years?

 

Pam xxx

Mum Muddling Through

20 thoughts on “Why I am NOT ‘cherishing every moment’.

  1. “I am actively looking forward to my kids growing up.”

    I am so with you! My youngest just turned four and I tried SO SO hard to feel terrible that he was growing up and I don’t have a baby any more, but I just can’t! I’m bloody delighted that he’s a proper person now (albeit an arse at times!) I love my boys, but just don’t know how you are supposed to cherish every moment when they are being utterly vile.

    Frankly, some days – just some – I like gin better.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There’s words for people like that … Strong, impolite words … You need to maintain your relationship with your husband, friends, family, sense of self and own identify etc … Because that makes you a better human being as well as a parent. And because one day those small children will be big children and go off out into the world. And the last thing you need is wonder who the hell you are now.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. On the button as per Pam. I adore my wee pain in the hoop more than I ever thought possible, however, with each year that passes he’s more lovable due to all his new learnings and developing vocabulary. We have some amazing we chats, he understands more about day to day life and I can’t wait to carry on growing with him….. Bye bye baby days….. Hello my amazing wee man child

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha! Spot on. My life is still my own despite being tethered to children. 3 out of 6 have flown the nest, I passed my motorbike test when the 5th was 6. Yes children are lovely but they are not the be all and end all of me! I love my childfree time, it means I appreciate them more. 24 hrs with a small child is no picnic. Take time out to be you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s funny because it’s these kinds of drivel that made me leave social media (as in a personal sense) as I know that kind of stuff just bores me to tears. Ironically though I have poured my heart and soul, ups and downs into my blog, which is probably not that different ha ha! I do however NOT paint a picture of motherhood that is unrealistic and hashtag pefect. Sure, there are nice words to balance the desperate days, but all in all I think it’s time Mums painted a realistic picture.
    Fab post – thanks for linking up to #CoolMumClub

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can imagine there will be a good few people who feel the samefrustrations when reading my blog! But hey we are all different and I love that more than one view on motherhood i now represented! Thanks for reading! X

      Like

  6. Like you I don’t generally feel sad over the passing over a stage or ever will them to grow up more slowly. Normally because the next phase that comes along is better than the last one. I’ll take a slightly older child you can reason with and talk to over a wilful, tantruming toddler any day! #coolmumclub

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so with you! You can’t enjoy every single moment – there are times I feel like tearing my hair out and I count down to bedtime! I LOVE being Stanley’s mummy but my god it’s hard work!!! Yes to honest parenthood! #blogcrush

    Liked by 1 person

  8. #BlogCrush
    Parents deal with real shit every single day! You just said it so honestly. I do not cherish EVERY moment but I cherish the most important ones. I try to forget the bad days and just start over with a blank slate every single day.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I think that different attitudes work for different people. As someone who suffered with depression in the past due to some horrible life circumstances, I find it important for my mental health to look for the positives in every day (even if that positive is “I only had to change 3 nappies today instead of 4!”). I don’t think it’s necessarily that they do love every moment, it’s that they’re CHOOSING to be happy in the middle of whatever’s going on.

    I also appreciate that some people cope by sharing how utterly rubbish it all feels and that they hope the next chapter of their lives is easier.

    I think there is room for both types of people and neither way is superior, it just appeals to a different type of person.

    And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush

    Liked by 1 person

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