What it feels like when your baby doesn’t want to be your baby.

My darling second born. A beautiful girl who I had been so excited for. With her brother, I had so many afternoons spent lying on the couch with him. Just watching him and cuddling him. Baby girl did not like to be held. She screamed blue murder for the first month of her life and was only at peace when put into her cot at 5 weeks old.

She liked her own company and hated me to stroke her or kiss her. The rejection stung. I wondered what I was doing wrong and why she seemed to want to avoid being close to me.

Bedtime milk and cuddles had been me and my sons ‘thing’, and was a part of the day I most looked forward to. My daughter refused to drink any milk after 6 months and had cups of water instead. She squirmed out of cuddles and she would grab her favourite toy and point to the door. Signalling when she wanted to go to bed. Many people hated me telling them that she slept through the night from 5 weeks. It’s unheard of to have such a good sleeper. But when they choose not to be close to you it hurts.

 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if we didn’t bond. We most certainly did. There were many sweet moments and she is a very loving little girl …now. But these first years haven’t been what I expected. I wonder just how many women get a ‘Hannah’ as their first born and feel that they are doing something wrong? Or feel sad that motherhood isn’t living up to expectation. Let me tell you it’s not easy to deal with. But i want you to know that it’s not you.

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So smiley now

 

This is just the difference between kids. My son is a people pleaser. Ask him to do anything and he will. He smiles and is generally a pleasure to be around. My daughter doesn’t suffer fools. Her face tells a thousand stories and she refuses to do anything she doesn’t want to. She can be hard work and to other they think she is po faced and prefer children who come running with smiles. But I know the baby behind the frown. Yes my son was easier. For a while there I am even ashamed to admit I had a favourite. Who wouldn’t want the child who runs to you when you walk in and covers you in a thousand kisses rather than the one who only said the word ‘no!’ for three solid weeks ast one time!  But times move on and situations change. It takes a lot to get your head around the fact that you are dealing with a different character. And when I realied that, I had my eyes opened. She has always loved her brother unconditionally. He is the first person she asks for when she wakes up and the only person who can cuddle her whenever he wants. She adores him. Seeing this makes my heart happier than I knew possible.

 

She has just turned two and has become really affectionate. Her little character is amazing and she makes me smile everyday seeing her develop. But I will never forget that first year and how rejected I felt.

 

So If you have a baby like my daughter don’t worry too much. As long as they are reaching milestones and you have no major concerns over their development then hold on in there. If you have any concerns then please speak to your healthcare provider for guidance. Don’t suffer in silence. It’s hard when you don’t get back what you put in sometimes but when those smiles and cuddles do come they are worth the sun and stars.

 

Have you experienced a baby who didn’t like cuddles?

 

Pam.xx

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