Some days I am greatful that I work alone. (Other people should be thankful too!) Life can be a bit too peopley and the rage sets in – especially when I’m tired. Let’s just say that some days my resting bitch face gets a work out! Stand back everyone.
Here is a run down of things people say that annoy the bejezus out of me!
1• Our baby didn’t/doesn’t do that. Good for you Cynthia but that is not helping my predicament.
2• You look tired. This one equally annoys and amuses me. I am a naturally pale person who doesn’t like taking it easy so I’m always on the go. On an average day I’m probably running on 3hrs sleep or less so yeah, I probably do look tired but being told so isn’t going to a)make me feel better b) solve the situation or c) make me want to continue conversing with you.
3• Housework can wait. Often said to new mums often just after ‘they are only young once’. And while yes it’ s true to an extent, dishes do indeed have to be done unless you want to eat your pasta off weetabox crusted bowls. Dinner does infact have to be shopped for, cooked and served. Clothes have to be washed and dried – ironing and putting away is optional! And unfortunately even a total slummy mummy wouldn’t want to sit her arse on a toilet seat frequented by a 3 year old boy!
4• You / They can’t have been having that that good a time when all they did was take pictures. I’ve heard this A LOT. It annoys me because I am pretty capable. So surely others must be too. Believe it or not, out of an entire day trip I can manage to take upwards of 60 shots of my snotty nosed cherubs, whilst at the same time loving and cherishing every moment. I can go out for tea with my other half and snap loads of pics without altering the mood or neglecting the conversation. Maybe you can’t manage to work a smartphone and function as a human being at the same time Kenneth but I can. Ok?
5• Starting a sentence with ‘I’m sorry’ When clearly they aren’t. Not even a bit. In fact this can be moved on to ‘I’m not trying to be argumentative’ When they starting an argument. Well yes, yes you are. This is a friendly chat not an Oxbridge debating circle. End of.
6• I can’t imagine leaving little Timmy. Good for you. But I don’t hand my children over to a riddled crack whore at 8am. They go to a well regulated, local nursery…or my to my mum!
7• ‘It’s a phase’. We all use it. I do it all the time. Doesn’t mean it can’t make me itch like I’ve used the wrong washing powder! Everything’s a bloody phase.
8• To single friends ‘Have you tried internet dating?‘ Well unless they’ve been asleep since 2009 then most likely yes. They will have. So shut up and have a clue.
9• To childless friends ‘ when are you going to start trying?’ How do you know they haven’t you insensitive arse.
10• To friends with one child ‘It’d be cruel not to give them a sibling’ Are you insane? Did anyone actually get on with their siblings for the first 20 years of their lives? Nah didn’t think so. So making out like they are depriving their child isn’t helping anyone is it!
11• People with older kids telling you ‘enjoy! This is the easy part’ Joking right?! As a new mum everything is a major hurdle and is the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced so don’t let anyone tell you different. It’s only with experience and hindsight that you can look back and think it wasn’t so bad. At the time it’s all consuming. Yeah each stage is difficult but who’s to say what is the ‘most difficult’ You def don’t need someone telling you that you shouldn’t be complaining as they have it worse. Its like top trumps. Which brings me finally to…
12• What have you done today? Usually in response to saying you are tired. It’s as if you have to justify being tired. I can have a full nights sleep, not be working and have nothing to do but still feel knackered. And why shouldn’t I? Someone lately actually appologised for yawning and told me that I must be so much more tired than them because of my shifts. Seriously it’s not a competition. We are all allowed equally to give in to how our bodies feel. If you have no kids and have weekends off but are still knackered then I may feel jealous as hell, but will never ever feel that you arent justified in being tired!
Phew did you make it? Are you scared? Don’t be my bark is much worse than my bite! And sometimes it’s good to vent and get it all out. I’ll hold my hands up and say right now that I have used every single comment on here! My bad. We are only human. And what annoys me one day ammuses me the next. I never said I was logical. So what things that people say annoy you the most? And are you guilt too of any of these?
Don’t worry I’ll forgive you if you can forgive me…just don’t say I look tired!