What a to-do … about pink and blue!

Gender Neutrality. It’s the latest buzz word. The newest cause. The rights campaigners favourite campaign. It is a topic that is dividing the parenting forums. But what is all the fuss about?

For years boys were boys and girls were girls. But now aparently it’s no good to put little Timmy in a dinosaur hoodie and give him some lego to play with. And woe betide you if Emily is dressed in pink playing with a Barbie – they may come and chant on your doorstep!


We are being bombarded daily at the moment with the gender debate. Only last month saw Canada apply a ‘gender neutral’ option to the passport form. Joining countries such as Australia, Denmark, Malta and Germany to have a third option on gender. There is currently a call to have the UK follow suit. Some even go as far as to want the gender option removed on all official documents, to not have gender recorded. I believe we are now at risk of removing choice – ironic right?

Dolls or Army vehicles… why not Both?!

By pushing all this at impressionable children – the stores removing boys and girls wear departments, the schools removing skirts and imposing a default male uniform, even the call for neutral bathrooms – are we unwittingly imposing new societal expectations?

My little pony makes an excellent battle horse!

Now don’t get me wrong, I actually agree with loads of comments about toys and clothing. If my daughter wants to wear a tractor jumper of her brothers she can.  If my son wants to play with dolls and prams he can. It’s never been an issue for me. But I am not blind to the stereotypes imposed on them from a young age and also the pressure from some people. My hubby would hate for my son to wear a dress in public. My mum hates it when I dress my daughter in something not girly. It’s their expectation based on hundreds of years of gender roles. Boys are rough and ready and girls are princesses.
And this is why I believe it’s such a tough topic. Because from having a boy and a girl I do see massive differences in their characters. My son is really rough compared to my daughter. They have been brought up the same. She didn’t have a lot of girls stuff as she had all his hand me down toys and clothes. Yet she will instantly pick out sparkly shoes over trainers, a soft toy over a tractor. And she has had the choice. I honestly enjoy my son being boistrous and ‘a bit of a boy’.  I love it when my daughter wants all her teddies lined up to have a tea party. Does this make me a bad parent? I am now being told by the media that we should be encouraging them to avoid the stereotypes. That we should not be saying this is for boys or that is for girls.

He’s in touch with his female side and wears whatever the hell he wants. I don’t need some campaigner to tell me that!

But at the same time the kids ARE different. We are all born with a willy or a vagina and I’m sorry (I ‘m not actually sorry) but why on earth should we want to remove their gender? I believe it opens them up to becoming confused and unable to form an identity. Of course there are going to be those who are different and who do not identify with the body they are born with. I understand they will struggle. And I really fo hope that things can move forward to appreciate this and make it easier to transition for those who need to. But does giving them no gender at all really make it easier for them?

It is a girl wearing blue – shocker

As I said at the start it is a topic that divides opinion. My opinion is that it is a bit like feminism – another cause that for me has moved in the wrong direction. It is now not acceptable to have certain beliefs and values. To want to be a homemaker and not be ambitious as a woman is now seen to not be supporting feminism. And so now wanting your son to be a boy and your daughter to be a girl is starting to be seen as being historic and obtrusive to the gender neutral movement.

I’m not sure where this is all going to go in the future. I’m interested and horrified at the same time.
What are your thoughts on the world going gender neutral? I look forward to hearing from you all.

All opinions are my own and I have refrained from going further into the male / female debate! It’s a minefield and easy to get carried away!


Motherhood The Real Deal


  1. Oh don’t get me started on this topic. It’s absurd. They are children. They are boys or they are girls. We should not be passing on our opinion or what we class ourselves as onto them. They will be adults one day and they can make that choice for themselves. Yes I encourage children to play with all types of toys and if Noah wanted to wear a pink tutu then fair play but to take their gender away is going a Step too far in my opinion. Utter nonsense.

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  2. I agree it’s all gone too far. We are at risk of being deemed offensive for dressing girls in pink and boys in blue. As a mum of girls they do just become naturally drawn to certain things and they play very differently to the little boys I know. My daughter picked out some George Pig wellies the other day and I was totally cool with that. Why does there have to be a big fuss about not pressuring them? We’re risking going to far the other way. X #coolmumclub

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  3. I think its important that you identify and raise girls and boys as nature intended and only if they grow to be uncomfortable with this then consider other options. Kids struggle to decide what they want for dinner each night let alone decide if they are a girl or a boy!!! Let kids play with whatever toy they want. Let them experiment with what they want to wear. Just allow them to have some identity so when they are old enough to understand better, they can make decisions on how they want to live their life. It is fine folk going on about gender neutrality and changing passports etc but in reality there is a lack of eductation system to support kids and parents through such a transistion; advertising is very much still aimed at boys and girls stereotypes; and you are right Pam that there are those of us out there who see ourselves as being one gender so why would we not be allowed the right to identify ourselves as that. Until there is a more coherent, thought out plan which considers all aspect of gender identity then I remain to be convinced!

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  4. Agree with everything you have said Pam. I want to be able to tick ✅ the female box. I am a heterosexual female and I want to have the choice to tick that box if I bloody well want to!! Where’s my choice going to disappear to?? Are we going to cease being Mummy and Daddy??? Will I never have the choice to be Nana because the world has gone bonkers and dictates that it’s not OK for my grandbaby to have a nana and papa?? It’s a can of worms for sure. And for anyone interested in digging deeper into identity Vs role confusion….. Eric Ericsson is your man. Well done as always xx

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  5. It’s a deep and complex debate isn’t it? I agree with a lot of what you’ve said and I remain pretty cool headed on the whole thing. My two girls have (historically) ‘boys’ and ‘girls’ toys and there’s no debate over the ones they go for. I have however corrected them every single time if they ever talk about the things boys can do and girls can do – from a very young age they both knew gender wouldn’t differentiate them from their goals. My eldest is the only girl in her football squad, and I never thought that would happen when she was two and refusing to eat off / wear / be in contact than anything that wasn’t pink lol.
    Thanks for sharing the great debate with #coolmumclub

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  6. I think the gender neutral movement is about removing gender labels from stuff, not actually from children. Of course (in most cases) girls are girls and boys are boys anatomically, but as you’ve quite rightly said, that doesn’t mean they can’t wear what they like or play with toys they find fun. By labelling certain toys as ‘for boys’ or ‘for girls’ though, do we risk them feeling like that toy isn’t ‘for them’ if they want to play with something that hasn’t been labelled for their gender? Or being ridiculed for enjoying the ‘wrong’ cartoons. I’m a fan personally, and also a (friendly, equality driven) feminist, so go figure! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it’s good to have open conversations about these things 🙂

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  7. Good point Pam, what toilet should we take our kids to? There’s no gender neutral toilet.
    The world has gone slightly mad. Soon we’ll all be beige, of the same opinion that doesn’t dare offend anyone since everyone is so easily offended. Here’s a thought, let kids be kids and choose toys, clothes etc themselves albeit pink or blue or fabulous leopard print.

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  8. Really interesting post to read. Feminism and gender neutrality do have a place I think but not in the extremes the media pushes them to, all things in moderation is key isn’t it? But then that’s not a fashionable line of thought either in the media is it? x

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  9. I with agree with this, I think the world is going slightly mad with it all. Children are children. If any of my boys want to play with a tea set or a pop a teddy or a doll in a pushchair then that’s fine! I do equally understand some of the arguments though. Why should a tea set instantly be made in only a pink colour and labelled as a girls’ toy? Why should dinosaurs be pushed as boys’ toys? Why not just have a range of products in a range of colours and label them simply as toys? The toilets and forms are a different matter though, and do feel a step too far, in my humble opinion 😉

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  10. I have to agree with you. We seem to be on a downward spiral of ridiculousness! I completely agree that girls and boys should be able to wear what they want, play with what they want but to remove gender from birth certificates it really is crazy. We are all different sexes, if someone is born a girl but feels they are born into the wrong skin and so live life as a male, then I’ll call them a boy but why do we have to be so ridiculous about the whole thing!

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  11. I absolutely agree with you. I also have a boy and a girl and like your girl mine had very little girly things because of all her brother’s hand me downs yet she loves tiaras, sparkles and tutus as much as she loves playing with trains and dinosaurs. As for genderless NO THANK YOU. People are born with a gender their choices are a different matter but it should come when they are able to understand themselves and the world around them and not before they even know what gender means. Thank you for sharing with #StayClassymama

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  12. I don’t have kids, but I can see it from my perspective of how my bother and I were raised. It’s normal to buy “boys stuff” for a boy and “girls stuff” for a girl. Since I’m younger, I wore a lot of his clothes and played with both mine and his toys. Nobody should make a big deal out of it. Kids play with what they have. However, if I had a daughter, of course I would buy her “girl stuff” cause that’s also normal. If she really wanted something else, or to be something men usually are when she grows up (e.g. construction worker) I would let her, of course. If I buy a pink shirt for my baby daughter, she wouldn’t even know or care and for me it’s just prettier (or maybe that blue jacket would be prettier…). I honestly don’t think toys and color of the clothes for kids is in any way restricting them. To be honest, I couldn’t care less how the toy is labeled. If I’m looking for something I don’t care whether I get it from “boys aisle” or “girls aisle” as long as I get it. People are so easily offended by EVERYTHING these days. I have a need to explain my every sentence not to piss anybody off.
    To remove genders is just ridiculous. I mean, we are born as girls or boys. So I don’t get it why this would be offensive or anything cause it’s a fact.
    I really hope this comment makes sense. 😀 also, of course, just my opinion.

    after all this rambling, great post!!

    xo Honey – blog Royal LifestyleTwitterInstagram

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  13. Complex discussion that has so many factors but I’m with you. You are born a boy or a girl (yes there are some rare exceptions). I have a girl and a boy and have dressed them in and bought them a variety of things. I always try to tell them that there is no such thing as jobs for boys or toys for girls or colours for girls. The world and it’s opportunities are for ALL of us. But, being a boy or a girl is part of our identity and biology and I don’t see the problem with that x
    Thanks for joining #blogstravaganza

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  14. I could not agree more Pam! The whole thing infuriates me. I read somewhere (how accurate im not sure) that the SNP were discussing having all Primary 1 children asked on their first day of school whether they want to be classed as a boy or a girl….over my dead body! How to confuse the life out of the poor wee darlings – im 100% certain my girl would say girl immediately but I can imagine a lot of kids would be thrown by that question. Opening up doubts in their heads that weren’t there before. Just let them be bloody children and stop firing all these anxieties at them – great post! x

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