Problems for Pam

2017-07-23 19.26.37

 

So this is my new venture into helping parents vent their darkest fears, their biggest anxieties and even craziest thoughts! I will give any help I can then open the forum to all the other parents out there who could give great advice! Questions are sent annonymously through my facebook group or my email which you can find on my contacts page. Please be kind with your comments and keep it friendly. We are all trying our best. Of course we won’t all agree but if you feel any advice given is wrong the please try and be thoughful and constructive. Please start your comment with the letters pseudonym so we know who you are responding to. (My blog is pretty basic so will be putting all letters in here)

Of course any advice given should not be taken over the advice of healthcare professionals and your doctor/health visitor/midwife should always be contacted for medical or mental health matters.

Here we go!

Dear Pam,

My son is 4 months and I love him to bits – but I’m struggling.  My partner works crazy hours and is away lots so I feel like I’m solo parenting. Mother in law is on my case about everything yet helps out very little. I already have an older child but don’t remember it being like this. Baby is unsettled at night, drinks a LOT of milk and doesn’t sem to like being cuddled. Also bottle fed which is another dagger in the back from mother in law! Been fighting lots with partner over money and none of my friends seem to know how I feel so I’m crying a lot. 

Yours 

Rocking in a Corner

 

Dear Rocking in a Corner,
First of all I’m sending you a huge hug.  Sounds tough. I know a lot of mums with partners who work away so I’m sure they will have some great tips and advice to help you out there. Mother in Law problems are something I’m always hearing about but unfortunately have never suffered so again I will need to hope for others to help you out there too.

What I can say is that I think you should speak to your healh visitor. Just to let them know you are feeling a bit low and ask their advice. It’s ok to not be ok!! And just because you already have a child does not mean it will be the same second time, both my kids are so different.

It’s around 4 months they can have a growth spurt so the extra feeds are normal, and sleep is something I’m sure we all just fantasise about but don’t get much of! Def bring it up with your health visitor.

Do you go to any baby groups? Although daunting they can be a lifesaver to meet likeminded mums. Don’t be put off if the first one you go to isn’t what you expected, give it another go before you dismiss it. Every mum there has their own anxieties – even the most put together looking ones! Don’t be disheartened if this isn’t for you, a friend of mine hates baby groups with a passion! 

I know Money worries are the bain of most relationships. Can you talk openly to your husband about how you’re feeling? Ask him how he’s doing too, if he’s working so much he could be feeling pressure but letting each other know you are in it together can help. Have you had a look and seen if you are entitled to any help just as child tax credits? The gov.co.uk website should be able to point you in the right direction. It’s like a taboo subject between friends to mention money too, when I don’t think it should be. It’s ok to admit you are struggling. That you can’t meet up at places that cost a lot but are happy to have people round or go to theirs instead.

Good friends will understand. Babies don’t need much either but I’m guessing your elder child does and they can be costly. I am opening this up to the group for help and advice. Wishing you all the love in the world.

 

Pam xx

 

2 thoughts on “Problems for Pam

  1. Hi rocking in a corner,

    My husband works away for four weeks at a time and I agree it is bloody tough. I have found being around like minded mums has really helped me. Being able to be honest with them and telling them that you are struggling opens up a conversation where yiu will probably find a lot of them are feeling the exact same. I second pams advice about baby groups, get out and about. It helps.

    Regarding MIL can you speak to hubby and tell him that you are trying your best but to be constantly questioned isn’t making you feel great. Maybe he could speak to his mum and ask her to be quiet. Do you ask her to help out? Does she maybe not help because she won’t unless she has been asked to?

    Money is the Bain of everyone’s lives. We all struggle at some point but the key is definitely honesty and communication. Taking the kids out for the doesn’t have to cost the earth. Make a picnic and take them to a big park with forest walks, the beach etc.

    Hope you are ok.

    From another Mammy rocking in the corner 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was definitely rocking in the corner with my baby so I know exactly how you feel. Although mine was more unsettled during the day than at night thankfully. My son had a very upset tummy with trapped wind until I put him on go SMA comfort at 4.5 months. Why did I wait so long? My health visitor! She told me at 2 weeks old that a change in milk could upset his tummy more and obviously I didn’t want to do that! I’m now very annoyed and wish I’d had the confidence (he’s my first) to just try it!!! Anyway, this may not be the same issue but an unsettled baby is very hard work and I know with another older child this can only make it harder. I found getting out and about, meeting other mummy friends was my life saver. A whatsapp group with them for moans and meet ups was amazing. I was very anxious for a long long time and although not diagnosed with anything I know that that isn’t me. Eventually he became more settled and I became more confident. Are you able to leave the baby with anyone for a couple of hours to just take a break? I hope as time passes things get easier but that doesn’t help just now! Just know you are not alone!

    Liked by 1 person

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