•Are you listening?! Telling a toddler something has the same impact that a diet chocolate bar has on your appetite..nil! You have to watch as they continue to do whatever it is that you asked them not to do until you have repeated yourself to infinity and then crack. Finally shouting ‘Oh for Gods sake will you just stop touching that!’
•Sit down. Wether it be breakfast, lunch or dinner my kids seem incapable of staying put for longer than 10min. They use any excuse to get up.
•Put your clothes on. Getting dressed in the morning then again for bedtime is an epic battle, fought with all the diplomacy of a parliamentary debate. We have the initial optimism, turning to pleading, followed shortly by bribery then threats and finally anger and then sometimes acceptance. Why they find it so amusing to run around butt naked I don’t know! Shouts of ‘will you just put on your goddam pants’ are common.
•Stop hitting your sister/brother. Our baby girl is no longer a baby, she is a fully functionimg toddler and is on a mission to ruin all toddler boys fun…or so it seems to him! He doesn’t want a baby touching his precious tractors so grabs them away from her. This instills a temper that for us was an eye opener (parents of girls.. just wow!) She lashes out, he cries or sometimes fights back. It never ends well. ‘Can’t you just play nicely?’ Apparently not.
•What are you doing? Wether it be a longer than expected trip to the loo or a suspiciously long silence when I’m in the kictchen. Something will be afoot! The answer ‘nothing’ is always a sure fire way to know that armageddon may be about to be dicovered. 3 toilet rolls, a can of deodorant and a plastic cow have all made their way down our loo after protestations that he was doing nothing!
•Shhh. Children are loud. They have no regulator and care not a jot wether they are in a small cafè, library or softplay centre. Volume controls were not an optional extra unfortunately!
What other things do you find yourself saying too often?