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Cake, candles, basically a christmas just for you. This is what I imagine birthdays being all about. Or how about wiping snot, cleaning weetabix off the cat and pretending to feed toast to a plastic cow before you are allowed to eat your own cereal? My birthdays have gone through a bit of a metamorphis of late.  Up at 3am because my son was coughing so hard I thought an organ was about to be passed, up at 4am to shoosh my daughter so she wouldnt waken my son, up at 5am to feed the cat because she was purring like a bengal tiger… not the start I was imagining to my thirty second year.   Hubby working away so my birthday wasn’t exactly celebrated yesterday morning.  Although I can imagine anyone would have died for the cuddles I got from my son when he woke up at 5.30 and squeezed me so hard to tell me he missed me through the night (yes he is an arse of the highest order but he can belt out a sincere, sweet comment just at the right moment to make you think you are the light of his life!)   Eating birthday cake for breakfast, having a massive bubble bath with both children and a cup of tea ( this involved more skill than the krypton factor) and putting unlimited peppa pig on tv so I’m sure Fraser thought it was his birthday!  I opened the presents I had received over the weekend to discover I had a lot of gin and some prosecco..half of me is delighted the other half worries this may say too much about what people think of me when they go to buy me gifts!

Also people reactions to your birthdays change.  You start to only get happy birthday texts once you’ve got kids of your own. A definite dwindling of presents!  People even forget your birthday – my father in law wished me happy birthday on Saturday as he had it in the calander wrong.  No one really cares anymore.  Which is fine, because you react the same to other peoples, but a part of you can’t help but yearn for the balloons and the excitement that used to come from the day being just about you.  Hubster did his best, I got loads of beautiful gifts – that I helpfully left links to on the computer! He did get me the coolest cat watch and pair of boots that I pointed out randomly!  He’s a good ‘un! I do make out sometimes that the hubster is the big bad wolf; but I don’t mean to. There is no pleasing me!  I want him to do something but moan if he does it because I’ve changed my mind abut what I want.  I should be greatful he puts puts up with me!  Still there was no real feeling of being spoilt his year, of being told to relax, dealing with the kids, making dinner – not even any wine!! I don’t think I’m very high maintenance but sometimes a girl just wants to feel more like Cinderella at the ball and less like the rag wearing, slave version! 

So I did a spontanious thing (well as spontanious as I can be with two small children, a rediculously tight husband and an empty bank account!) I booked an appartment in Blackpool for this coming weekend! An adventure of sorts.  I’ve already finished packing!  We will go up the tower, go to the pleasure beach, the zoo, a walk along the promenade and  thoroughly enjoy a break from home..or at least this is what I hope hubby will think when I break it to him! I’m going to forget about the fact that it will be freezing cold, that the Illuminations have finished and the kids are too small to go on any of the fun rides yet!

I only have two weeks before I’m back to work so I am really feeling  the need to make the most of the time off I have left.  I have been spending days where me and the kids have stayed in our jammies, I’m not sure I’ve ever really done that. It feels slightly wrong and a bit scummy but liberating! Some small part of me still rebels and thinks ‘what if someone came to the door, what would they think?’ It’s part of my upbringing to always be up, washed and dressed by no later than 8am!  Rediculous but it’s what feels right to me. So this week I am revelling in rebelling. I have the most beautiful bunch of family and friends who have wished me well and sent me hilarious messages to get me through that day that didn’t felt like a birthday.  My oldest friend came and spent some time with me and the kids which was a total treat as life usually gets in the way and it is the best feeling to find out that you have managed to surround yourself with people who love you for who you are and for all your faults.

Pam xxx

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